Sunday, December 18, 2005


What is the use of all the B-ship-high-in-transit about the nothingness in real life?

Sometimes it might not be the best idea to have nothing since finance is a common issue in layman’s life.

So I did the share of my job today.

The end of this weekend’s Saturday session was supposed to be a benchmark for the temporary shut down of my brain for at least a couple of days, and, which, in my humble opinion, is what my brain wants.

After I got back home at around 4, I crashed in my bed and quickly fell asleep.

It was already 6:00 o’clock when I woke up from a dream about work…

While I was sitting on my chair, with my cigarette in hand, I heard the voice of my daytime boss telling me to relax and enjoy my vacation.

The voice stopped right after the message was delivered, leaving me in my room laughing at myself… (and I promise you that I will let her know about it, too. lol)

I did not really have much to pack. However, I was starting to be overcome by the emerging duckness.

As a result, I took out the list I made at lunch, started packing, checking off each every item that is necessary but not sufficient… Medications and retainer are two of the musts.

Just when I finally calmed down, watching a movie with a friend of mine, I got this phone call from my dear sister.

I love my sister to death. However, sometimes it is better to not hear from her for a long long time because no news is really the best news I could hear from her. :-X

What she had told me is something I would not have wanted to hear yet I would need to know.

Essentially, it has to do with people’s inability to accept the nothingness in life.

I was really really upset by all the negative possibilities that kept on pop up in my mind.

I actually had to take my Seroquel earlier to calm myself down and to prevent myself from going through a panic attack.

At same point, I said to myself…

This has to stop.

The mountains of possibilities will not help me getting settled with the inevitable confrontational moment.

Let me just put it down for as much as I could and let life’s encounters represent themselves.

Then, as I was washing my teeth, this thought occurred to me…

In life, we all deal with issues resulting from the nothingness complex.

It does not matter whether you are a teenager with budding propensity for abstract thinking, a lost soul in limbo under the attack of midlife crisis or someone in the golden age with a track record of achievements. As long as you are still kicking, this is something you would have to deal with either within yourself or in others.

There is not going to be a day when we could rest happily under the shade of “nothing” because it is the collective nothingness that determines everything.

This is why I am begging you… Accept your congenital nothingness and let’s move on to live!

How else could I request people to believe in nothingness is an essential part of life’s meanings?

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