Friday, September 16, 2005

Dosage up, but, I promise you that I will not fall

Upping the dosage.... again...…

Thursdays are the day for me to get my check out on my mental health condition.

Used to be, I only have to walk a few blocks to get to the 8th floor of the student activity building where my beloved psychiatrist and therapist are located. Since I took on another part time job this past week, the trip has turned much longer since I actually have to take a bus to get to my dear professionals and to get back to work.

During the meeting with my psychiatrist, we came to the agreement that I have to up my dosage again. Essentially, I have started to acquire this telepathic capability (which could be translated into hallucinations). It also doesn't really help when I am sort driven up the wall by the anxiety induced by the auditory hallucinations that makes me feel like haunted by the spirits of speech.

Following are some of the delusions I observed today:

  1. They are taking this laptop away (:-O) 
  2. They are upset by my comments about the importance of validity in measurement and evaluation 
  3. The guy who cheated me by selling me the 5 dollar cigarettes (instead of the 3-4 dollar market price) got busted by the police 
  4. They are not going to give me an interview 

How do I perceive the whole situation?

The first thing I said to my therapist as I entered her office tells it all:…

"I have been busy commuting between the 8th floor here and the 8th floor at work.. as long as I don't go to the 8th floor there (the hospital) since I sort of enjoying being out there."

At the same time, do not ask who "they" are because that is a question quite non-sensical.

So, I went on about my business waiting for the night to fall.

The condition might fluctuate and the dosage might have to be adjusted. I will have to face the annoyance caused by the symptoms.

However, I will not fall for I have now determined that the only thing that could take me down is life itself.

All else in life is but delusions and hallucinations. Contents associated with these symptoms do not worth my attention for I have promised myself to live my life to the fullest any given today because, even though tomorrow is another day, nobody knows what will happen tomorrow.
Yes, Ratprincess reiterate... the ephemeral nature of life does not grant us unlimited resources and time to spare (at least, not everyone is lucky like Marcel Proust so that his procrastinating nature also procrastinate the arrival of death).

This might be a statement too strong to make... Yet, the terminal divide is, guess what, life and death.

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