Saturday, June 30, 2007

Woody Allen Film

Sometime, I think my life is very much like the story lines found in Woody Allen Film... filled with episodes of neurosis.

I sort of passed out the day of the accident.... Did I have an anxiety attack, did I pass out as a result of the impact and did I really become in coherent?

I sort of felt I was about to pass out on when attempting to go to work the first time. Did I really feel so physically weak or was it me who was trying to play sick and be lazy?

I had to lie down on the floor in my office the one day I got back to the office. Did I really have the need of lying down or was I putting on a show for the others to see?

For a few days, I limped around when walking. Did I really need to limp or was it me unconsciously try to fake my condition.

When walking, my pace is slow and my body looks stiff. Am I trying to play sick or is my body so very stiff?

When I went to see my doctor, I asked, "How could I feel so bad from falling down such a short distance? Are these symptoms psychosomatic?"

I constantly have this fear that... the aches and pains are not real and it is me who is imagining up the whole thing.... (It is my delusion or the inverse of my delusions?)

Last night, I put on a patch the doctor asked me to try on in addition to the pain killers and muscle relaxant.

I slept through the night and slept more till I needed to get up to see some friends.... in total, 13+ hours of sleep and I could have slept more.

Waking up, I found myself done away with most of the lower back pain and the muscles also more relaxed... less limping and funky way of walking.

I was able to walk, and check out shops, and, even move my body along with the rhythm of the music.

"I feel great! It is getting better and better each and every day." I told my mom.

Then, I helped carried a bottle of Cranberry Juice from the pharmacy across the street.

After I got home, I started to feel the aching and some other uncomfortable kind of feeling.

I ate, I took the pain killers, I took a shower, and I placed ice on my back.

Are the pains finally coming back after the effect of the patch finally seized after 8 hours or so (or did that patch really work in any capacity after I took it off 8 hours ago)?

Or, did I see something in people’s behaviors that forces me to put on a show to me and my mom while thinking the whole world is watching, including that investigator hired by the workers' compensation company?

Am I expecting that the words would get out after this writing is posted so as to justify my agile gaits and joyful being?

Are there really aches and pains in my being? :-O

Is it all but, in capital case, F-A-K-ing?

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