Monday, July 2, 2007

Ratprincess and the Transformers

It has been two weeks since the accident.

Up to the first week or so, I could still laugh at it and say things like, “Thank God it was me who fell but none of those senior faculty members and the school principals at the meeting.”

Two weeks later, I have entered into the anger phase—perhaps, the natural process for grieving about the time past or wasted.

Two weeks of my life wasted inside trying to get better.

Nothing much went on in the brain.

No learn and no unlearning.

Ya, after all these time, finally it is summer.

I had wished to take my mom out to enjoy all the events offered by NYC and beyond-- the annual Shakespeare in the park, the River to River Concert, the Mid-summer night swing, the Governor’s Island, the day trips out of Manhattan, and the time share-related Atlantic City Trip that could have given me a free cruise plus trips to some other locations.

Yet, this summer, I am home jailed by my physical constraints. Unfortunately, my mother and many others have to endure the collateral damage.

I am filled with guilt about not being able to take my mom anywhere and making her feel worried.

Forget about getting down to Chinatown to do our low budget bi-weekly shopping, now my mom carries heavy items when conducting our higher budget grocery shopping in the neighborhood (even though it is my mom insisting on carrying even the lightest thing).

All that I do every day is eat and sleep and little nothing in between.

Worst of all, all that my mom could ask for is for me to get better before she finally goes home next week.

In addition, don’t you know that I have worked so hard on fitting myself into the summer clothing… :'-O

At the top of my lung I want to scream--- "I cannot and do not want to take it anymore… Who and How are you going to compensate for the temps perdu?

(Did anyone recall someone mentioned thing like to feel and not to feel, to see and not to see, etc? Or is this again the 八風吹不動,一屁撣過江 kind of phenomena? Yet, at the same time, wasn’t I told that I am no Buddha and I am only human? In other words, why should I be the one to suffer? lol)

At the same time, it would be interesting to see what’s going to be on my mind a week from now….

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