Monday, July 16, 2007


It is almost a month since my collapsed-chair incident and about 3 weeks after I first become associated with this partial disability label.

There are many things I learned throughout this month.

For the first time in my life, grant me the opportunity to understand how inconvenient life must be for people with more serious or permanent conditions.

At the same time, it amazes me how wonderful it was to have a relatively healthy body.

So I thought to myself... what else could I learn from this incident-- in addition to the heightened awareness about disability accessibility due to personal relevance and the bodily understanding of why my mom or other grandma/grandpa have problem picking up their speed when walking.

Then, mama left for Taiwan and I am left on my own, for the first time since the accident.

For three weeks, mama made me drink tasteless chicken soup, pork soup, herbal soup and all different kinds of soup... Mama made me eat vegi, vegi, vegi... and a whole lot of vegi.

After my stomach started having problems, mama choped choped choped the collard green to make sure it would not be too tough for my stomach.

When we went shopping, I didn't have to do any carrying... Mama made sure she carried it all despite of my protest.

Before she took off, she made sure there still be food for her daughter--- meat, corns, and vegi as well.

Other than the aches, pains, my neumocephalon, and the inconveniences here and there, one biggest complaint I made was--- "I AM FULL..."

Then all of a sudden, mama is back in Taiwan.

I am still finishing up what she had prepared and the vegi she had bought.

Yet, it was last Friday, when I was about to buy some cherries from the market, for the first time in my life, I, sort of, came to appreciate what it meant to be disabled.

When picking the cherries, the only concern in my head was... "I gotta make sure they are not too heavy for me to carry." The .5 pound of cherries was still too much weight for me to carry with my hands. Ended up, I hang the cherries on my purse, using my neck to carry the weight instead.

From then on till today, I can't help wondering when I will be able to lift the 70+ pounds of weight again and my thoughts of pushing it to 90...

For the time being, more realistically, the questions shall be...

When will the deal of 4 boxes of strawberries for 5 dollars come back again and will I be able to carry them? How am I to get my supply of milk? When will I be able to carry grocery bags the way the others do?

After my meeting with the doctor today, it occurs to me that I must have been so spoiled that my golden branches and jade leaves now requires re-training (rehab? :-O) in order to regain their strength.

So when I went for my routine walk this afternoon, instead of hanging my purse around my neck, I carried it with my hands, rotating between my left and right hand. Really light-weight weight lifting--- as you might call it... lol

By the end of the trip, my back again, starting aching.

I apologized to my back... "Sorry to strain you but I have to make sure I don't lose the ability to carry with me my first cup of coffee in the morning."

What about my cognitive constipation?

Let me find way to deal with my physical constipation first before worrying about that cognitive in nature… Physiological needs are the basis- so said Maslow…

It doesn’t mean my cognitive problem is no issue at all. Rather, there is nothing else I could do than trying to cut down on my muscle relaxant again tonight and see how my bodily aches and pains would react tomorrow.

I had thought that it was bad to be cognitively challenged once, twice, and so many more times.

Yet, did I just realize that the above was actually better off than being cognitively challenged and physically disabled…. :-x

May this be my life--- hitting the bottom, for, literally, I got hit from the bottom up.... lol

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