Thursday, August 9, 2007

Ratprince, To be even more special...

This past week or two has been.... well... quite, sort of.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I start to get ready to go to my physical therapy by Grand Central Station at around 11:00 AM and spend the whole afternoon on the getting there and getting back home to fold my paper.

Other days, rain or shine, I take myself to the street outside (since there is not much place to walk in my own room lol)-- assuming that I was doing what I was told... exercise to strengthen your muscles.

Ok, in between the last posting and now, I got to be really depressed by the aches, pains, existential vacuum and the requested additional fees from my immigration lawyer.

Seems like a lot of setbacks in a state of lacking a functional back.... lol

Then, result of my MRI on my lower back put me into the diagnosis of having a herniated disk between L4 and L5. Soft tissues squeezed between the bones like cream between cookies.

The diagnosis did not really have any impact on the prognosis.... except for I started finding myself limping and having problem lifting my feet.

In the mean while, I called God a sadistic bastard for bringing bad things to the world... both in and out of God's House. (non-existence or sadistic bastard? Which is better?)

So, today, I went to see the neurologist.... on my way out of his office, I heard him recording notes from the meeting.

Conversion disorder was what he suspected. (Wonder whether it has anything to do with my telling him about my taking seroquel and Zoloft? :-O)

In other words, it was me crazy-- so crazy that the dropping feet nothing but some psychosomatic manifestations. :-O

Gotta say Wow to it....

Throughout the years, I thought I was psychotic and neurotic enough... never knew there would come one day when my psychological being could sustain my physical disability? :-O

Walking out of the office, with the cane in my hand, I dragged and dragged myself down the road to find my bus home.

The psychotic me said, "They knew about the suggested diagnosis and they are looking at you in response to such public knowledge."

The neurotic me said, "How could this be and how could this happen to me.... Hysterical neurosis ?"

Got on to the bus, I got back to fold my paper and train my patience.

Then, the eureka moment came.....

Shall that be true... what else is new? It is not like I did not know that I am crazy even before the beginning of the ratology blog....

In addition, "The lifetime prevalence rates of conversion disorder in the general U.S. population are estimated to fall between 11 and 300 per 100,000 people." I actually should be really proud of my unique existence since this is some disorder rarer than my existing diagnosis. For the immigration people... how much more extraordinary could an alien be? lol :-x

So, what might be the alternative diagnosis other than somatizing my symptoms?

Could it be that some part of the muscles by the lumbar area is now no longer tense and simply lack of strength (considering the limping thing initially appeared right after my physical therapy)?

Could it be that I have always been dragging my legs except now I am finally gaining my ability to lift my legs up for a change?

Could it be problems between T1 to T8 since I have excellent control of the hands and, like what I have been complaining about... somewhere is stuck higher up than lumbar which makes it difficult for me to bend my back up to this point?

Well, what do I know?

In the end, I am but a rat in my nest… folding paper to get my spatial ability finally developed. lol

One thing I couldn’t stop wondering is.. is this God’s vengeance or is it the proof of God’s non existence?

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