Tuesday, August 28, 2007


After all these time, I finally got the doctor to prescribe an MRI scan on my spine... except for she only asked for a test done on the cervical spine. In my imaginary world, which is absolutely possible to be tented with delusional though, the doctor must have thought that most of the complaints were psychosomatic.

The report came out, and, to be honest, much to my dislike, 4 discs were herniated with 2 causing moderate impingement (and I still yet have to figure out what that "moderate" qualification means). In addition, the cervical lordosis (the regular curve of the cervical spine) was sort of straighten.

Yet, the MRI film was not yet delivered and your imagery representation is as good as mine based on the paraphrases above.

Now that physical evidence supports parts of my physical complaints.

It sort of took the pressure off the holy (wholly) psychosomatic concern.

Yet, I know (naive theory of mine) there are pains in the upper and middle region of my body-- triggered by nerve pains occurring between my neck and my lower back. In addition, when walking, nerve pains are triggered at the mid-section of my torso.... etc.

Yet, the doctor still refuses to prescribe a MRI test on my Thoracic spine.


Perhaps, now I got 5 discs already, L4-L5, C3-4, C4-5, C5-6, and C6-7, doesn't really matter if I got a few more of those T-xyz... In addition, there are 12 bones in Thoracic spine, no problem found between C7-T1, the maximum number of disk problems (which are extremely rare), would be less than 12 (T) +5 (L and C). :-O lol :-x

Perhaps, she just did not want to waste more of the resource for the planet

Yet, first, authorization is at the burden of my adjuster at the insurance company and I am not on Medicare. In other words, I am not wasting the resources allocated for social welfare ... by taking that scan, I would actually be benefiting the economy of the United States and, unfortunately, might contribute a bit to the inflation index. lol

Would she just wanna help the insurance company save money?

Or, maybe she just want to minimize the inflation trend? :-O

Or, it is possible that the concept of psychosomatization and psychogenetic symptoms has become so very ingrained that it would take more than the results of the cervical MRI to deconstruct her mental model about me, the patient. (In this case, I might need to offer some training for her on the art of cognitive flexibility? :-O lol)

It could also be possible that, my proficiencies in the psychosomatic thing has become so very advanced that I could actually use my coocoo mind to make disks along my spine herniated. Such would be the extreme manifestation of biofeedback and leaving the temperature thing Mickey-Mouse-like. lol

And, if you ask me again why I want to know what exactly is wrong with my body....

I think I have the right to have the accurate diagnosis due to its implications on the treatment, prognosis, and, the psychological stress (which might feedback to intensifying the symptoms).

Then, I realized that I am not along....


Except for, in the case above the patient had a sprang ankle, with me, I have to take a rest every 10-20 steps I take (depending on the road condition and the amount of weight I carry-- less than 2-3 pounds) in addition to radiating pains all over my torso.

Call me anything you want to call.

Psychopathologizing me anyway you possibly could.

Maybe other people would just bite their pains and immobility and let it go…

Yet, I want to know what is wrong.

Is it so very wrong for me to want to know?
It is not an illusion.

It is not a delusion (based on the delusional me).

The drive is actually casued by the cognitive dissonance induced by the disparity between the diagnosis at this state and my observed symptoms (or is it really so?). lol

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