Thursday, August 9, 2007

On defense

It is very apparent that my previous posting is a response to the conversion disorder diagnosis.

It is also very apparent that I am under the influence of my defense mechanism regarding a diagnosis highly stigmatized, if not to the others, at least to myself.

The journey on learning to accept my own psychotic being has not been easy and is still ongoing....

(Interesting question to ask is, to be psychotic or to be pure psychosomatic, which is worse?)

Yet, until the health professionals could rule out all possible organic causes, it is legitimate for me to be on defense while making sure I don't skip my happy pills, .

Perhaps, my psychosomatization might have been the extreme response to people’s inability to understand, since the beginning and when I tell them that, on the street, with walking, I have problems… (Let's see whether their acknowledgement would be the cure and turn into my walking miracle... lol)

In addition, believe me, it was not until I got the MRI results about my “herniated disc” and “pinched nerve” did I realize that the complaints I have been making is not purely my imaginations....

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