Tuesday, August 28, 2007

My fxcked-up life

Despite my conscious effort to be in zen moments, a lot of the times, the cat will still be out of the box when I will think... "my fucked up life." lol

Like what they say,

Winds from all 8 directions can't move me. Yet, the encounter with the word "fart" kicks me right across the river.

So why did I think my life is F-UP...

Other than the ordinary minor inconveniences and annoyances in life...

I got out to get to meet the neurosurgeon at 11 something today for the appointment at 2:15 because I know that I move like a turtle, while, taking rests like a hare. lol

Waited for the Shuttle to the health campus for over 1 hour with drivers taking off from random locations other than where I was waiting at.

I had to take a taxi to get to the clinic--- a waste of my budget on disability and under the uncertainty of the continuation of employment.

Since I do not have the MRI film for the Cervical spine and I ignorantly dismissed the importance of the lumbar film, the doctor couldn't see me without the film.

When picking up my prescription for Seroquel, a few days shy from the new policy year, I realized that I maxed out the cap again and have to pay for the prescription out of the pocket.

Running out of Lidocaine, I had to try to get the prescription thing settled to ensure I could have some hours sleep for the night.

Daddy called on skype and asked me when I will be settling down.

I continued to work on my BS about how I have participated in contributing to significant work in the field of education and how such xxxx aligns with NCLB, bla bla bla bla.

All seem f-cked up.

Yet, well----

Not having a invisible back.... the importance of immigration issues and employment issues seem also start to fade away.

On the way to get me a glass of water, it occurs to me that the story about my fight to get an accurate diagnosis might be the last thing I could do to have some remotely insignificant contribution to education... in the United States.

Ask what you could do... so they say.

The doctors in that clinic are actually pretty cute.... Could use a husband in that field now I am doomed to be in life-long companion with relapses etc as the consequence of the accident (dentists will do, too). lol

Coming out of the drug store, I saw beautiful firemen in uniform.

So what? Fxcked up?

So speaks the power of the phenomenology involving floating in the air of spring in dissolving the fxcked-up-ness of my void life. lol

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