Dark Age

I tried to do dial up last night... and started finding my nerve pains to get worse... partially due to the extra amount of stress associated with the limited data transmission capacity of dial up connections, and, the grief and its ensuing consequences associated with going back to the dark age of narrow band.

The denial of green card did not even really make me feel so bad.... or maybe it is just too well masked... or maybe the time is yet to come for its impact to really hit me...

The lost of high speed internet connection... on the other hand, hit me in the face the moment I got back....

The need to disconnect in order to make a phone call and vice versa...

The trickling of bits per every other seconds...

Slow... slow and slower...

Low... low and it gets me even lower...

Useless... useless.. and everything surrounding me reflects my less than useful state....

Then, I went....

Lord... or Hell

The winter is coming and I can't yet to get back to the gym to keep myself from falling back to that seasonal mood of depression....

I am NOT going to allow the stupid issue of Internet connection to serve as a triggering event to turn me back to the dark age of depression... :-O

I am getting my high speed internet connection back through Earthlink... via Time Warner Cable's road runner again... :-O lol

29.95 promotional rate for first 6 months (and I might even be gone from my beloved America before the end of the promotional period. lol ;'-O)

I got everything arranged... subscribed to the service, requested to get the modem picked up today--- the closest installation appointment is next Tuesday....

Woke up in the morning, I was still feeling pretty awkward about this going back to the dial up thing...

Got some business taken cared of online... I got my own lazy butt out of my house and marched on towards my day's journey focusing on damage control and risk management.

1. Mailed the ribbons I sold... (damage control)
2. Physical therapy... (damage control)
3. Pick up the cable modem from Time warner office... (risk management and damage control)
4. Returned the overdue book to the New York Public Library and paid my fine... (damage control)

Four things I did the whole day and it took, from noon till I got home at about 7:30, the whole journey, and, the majority of the time, nothing going on in the head other than that pain central department and the small brain that controls movement and the nerves that causes my spasms.

Gotten back home, I plugged things into places... powering it on, hooked the modem to the coax cable, and to my baby laptop....

Somehow... the laptop still could not get on line and the light about computer activities did not go on on the modem....

Why am I still in the dark age of narrow band? The narrow band internet connection seems to be turning the bandwidth in my head so much... decapacitated...

Then, I found out... the Ethernet cable connected to the modem and that connected to the laptop are two different cables... :-O (tech support 101.. what are you connecting to where?)

When the network came back on, I saw in my heart a ray of shining light... out of the dark age again... at least, sort of...

Along the whole trip... when I was on a mission to bring the modem home... I was mostly operating more or less like a zombie... mostly shutting down my cognitive processing so as to block the senses of pain, and, primarily utilizing my small brain that works on motor control and brain stem, on other vial survival functions.

I might have not gone to far....

I might have not gotten too much done...

Yet, I got my mission accomplished... however small it might seem? (Or, just another day elegantly wasted?)

At the same time, is this what it really means… using computing technologies to extend limited cognitive capacity…. what they taught me in school?? lol