I can't do it... God... why do you make me so wrong?

I went to sleep with this question and I must have really slept on this question very well for I woke up this morning thinking about this question as well...

I can't do it... God... why do you make me so wrong-- or even more wrong than I already know?

The scenario is simple...

A wonderful customer I have on ebay came back to buy more....

I shall be happy and I shall be grateful...

In effect, I am extremely happy and absolutely grateful...

Except for, at some point, I could not stop seeing the possible similarity between the shopping pattern I had and hers...

Moreover, I can not stop thinking that I might be contributing to the creation of similar scenario in the others-- and, that is something I do not want.

Given that she is a BIG ACCOUNT and returning buyer in my experimental business that is still deep in the red, anyone in the right mind would just try to cut as much comer as possible to increase the stickiness of the clientele—which is especially important for web-based business when comparing to brick and motor stores.

Yet, the more I thought about it... the more I feel I need to do something about it... such as creating barriers for the transaction.

For the new listing she is interested in, I stated that the free shipping and handling is not applicable. When responding to her request, some part of me wants to just get done with selling off the items by not bringing up that man-made or alien-made rule. At the same time, I also intuitively think that... by enforcing and bringing up the rule and giving her the price I would want the lot to sell for, I will get the buyer to have second thoughts...

I am fully aware about the consequences...

For instance, by asking them to cover for the shipping fee after informing them they got free shipping.... this, intuitively, might result in turning her away from future transaction when, plausibly, the transaction might be tented with some negative feeling which would be an absolutely normal reaction.

From a business perspective, such occurrence would be absolutely non-preferable and this is why there are books, companies and courses dedicated to the thing called Customer Relationship Management (CRM).

In addition, there are so many people selling things. I definitely, will not be able to stop people from shopping... (not grandiose to that degree lol).

Yet, I have to do something about it... I can't do it....

Bu what could I do?

I spent a long time deliberating how to approach it.... and I ended up shared my personal experience-- disabled, seek relief on crafting, and bought too much.

All the discussions so far have rested on my observations and the hypothesis I derived through my observations.

It could be my cooking up some stories without any basis in reality and it could be anything else.

The customer did respond and we are still communicating... sharing ideas and stories through our narration.

Yet, it doesn't really matter whether it was me merely over-imposing the mental model I have built up based on my personal experiences and knowledge background or else...

What really got me tic (other than the ordinary tics... lol :-x :'-O) was the reality that I really can't do it...

I can't close my eyes and pretend the thought had never occurred to me.

I can't stop feeling morally irresponsible for deeds that I classify as wrong and unethical...

I can't stop myself from doing something about it... (but, I do have to admit that, at times, I do hide behind the shadow of social loafing)

But why can't I?

Then, right after I sent my response to the buyer last night, before I went to sleep, it occurs to me...

Whether it is a good business strategy or not (unless you wanna call it “good will” lol :-x), this might be an ironic way for me to contribute...

As I stated in my listings...
Part of the profit I make through the Ratology store will be used as seed money to provide supportive services for people with disabilities and mental health condition (temporary or permanent).
Well, I don't know when I am going to profit from it because, up to this point, I still have absolutely solid proof that I am making no profit (:-O) even if the Workers' Com insurance company decide to take me to court....

It would be much easier if I could make it into a gazillion dollar business-- there are a lot of good things one could do with that amount of money, and, in that condition, I won't even have to care about the Workers' Com thing or that GDF institution. (:-o Did I sense some anger there? :-O lol)

However, along the way, if the bonus I throw in will make people happy (which had happened to me before), at least, I am doing something good for their psychological benefits.

If the sharing of my story could prevent the history to repeat itself, even if it might not be so brilliant an idea on the business perspective, I am willing to face the plausible consequences.

But, am I really so very sure about all my mumble-jumble?

A contrarian like me? Belief?

Despite of all the discussion I had above, I still wouldn't wonder...

I can't do it... God... why do you make me so wrong?

And, this is why, when I was doing my ordinary daily walk, I turned to walk towards St. John the Devine to see whether anyone could just make some sense for me (in addition to maybe call my buddy again a sadistic bastard to for my big bad bug kinda motor motion... :-D Amen...)

And, that trip... led to another journey...

Answers granted... Maybe... nothing mentioned about the actual incident or transaction (and by the way, didn't I tell you that I have thought disorder? The reason why it is called thought disorder might have something to do with the ability for people like me to interpret things so very creatively... lol)