Then, all of a sudden, the light ball would go off and show you a glimpse to the plausible meaning of all...
It is almost like the spring or fountain analogy used by Heidegger in "unterweg zur sprache" concerning how we are at the mercy of the Goddess of Language.
Yet, I have to clarify that, it was thousand years ago when I read the book and no longer am I sure whether my interpretation really goes along with his initial conceptualization... as Maxine Greene might put it... the confusion of interpretations...
An interesting thing I found (and I am not sure whether I have mentioned it before..) is that... the experiences associated with auditory hallucinations seem to be very well described by the whole idea of the Goddess granting us the access to speech...
It is almost like the faucet is dripping water, the Goddess had forgotten to turn the faucet off, or the Goddess plays with water with me... :-O
In any case, the water is leaking... either consistently or sporadically, depending on the situation. :-O lol
Did I mention to you before that, that is why I suspect Mr. Heidegger might also have experiences with auditory hallucinations or hallucinations in any other sorts to be providing an analogy so very appropriate for hallucinations-- and no wonder, the idea sounds so very foreign in my "normal" days or, more pertinently, my pre-psychotic era. I hope he is not going to turn around in his grave or try to sue me for defamation... Please take it as a compliment, Mr. H. lol
After the detour to the broken faucet theory, let me get back to the light ball.... which I actually could not recall until I reread the first two lines not so very long ago... lol :-x
The Light ball...
The light ball went off...
Well, in my previous writing, I mumble-jumbled about my trying to chase a customer away from selling something on ebay-- because I care, believe or not, about the customer as a nice fellow human being.
To recap even more, I woke up with this question "I can't do it", which was almost like a representation of obsessive thinking.
So I went to do my daily walk to make sure my bones and muscles are getting used enough...
I got that cup of coffee...
I walked across Broadway.
I saw the sun shining and St. John the Devine... and, I knew, today, it is calling me... (let's call it a delusional belief...lol)
I traversed that lengthy path... at times, jerking around like the big bad bug....
I pushed myself through that Amsterdam Avenue, the width, with which, only the depth the dire straits could compete.
I eventually move myself up those stairs... (accounting that movement as part of my physical therapy-- based on my yearning towards the ability for multitasking)
I rested at my seat in the Cathedral-- by the entrance, still quite a distance from the hall...
There, I was told, a service is going on for a writer...
A writer who had captivated and enliterated so many of the younger minds....
I thought it was the writer speaking...
I asked whether the chapels are still open because I would really feel like to get some messages from the abyss of nowhere to help me figure things out...
I did not know that all other sections are closed for the services until I finally moved my buggy butt to the hall...
I did not know it was a memorial service for this writer until then...
Since it was about time for me to take a seat, I sat down at a seat... and, it was when I heard this phrase, something like "I will not stop writing until I die"-- not out of my head but out of a real person's mouth...
I went like... :-O... that sounds familiar... :-O
From then on, I sat there, I saw, and I am taught (not quite sure whether I learn it or not).. life... the unfolding of life... the paradoxical contrast that make life "life."
Of course, my coocoo head went through whatever it goes through in similar settings...
I saw life...
I felt life...
The writer's family, friends, and the people that she had touched in whatever capacity.
Her life goes on with her own legacy...
At some point, my delusional self got the message that I did not have to stay at the premises if I do not want to...
Yet, I promised to stay till the end of the service...
I was not the first and not the last to leave and to drag myself down them stairs and move myself back to my home...
I came across a nice lady who walked past me when she was heading towards the service...
She asked me how I came to know Madeleine.
I replied that I did not know her and I did not know who she was.
It was just today I felt I should come to the cathedral for a visit.
I got home and googled for some information about this lady...
http://www.madeleinelengle.com/
62 books she wrote and I believe far more are yet to be published.
On another site, I found her quotations such as the following...
- Just because we don't understand doesn't mean that the explanation doesn't exist.
- Of course. It's all been said better before. If I thought I had to say it better than anyone else, I'd never start. Better or worse is immaterial. The thing is that it has to be said; by me; ontologically. We each have to say it, to say it in our own way. Not of our own will, but as it comes through us. Good or bad, great or little: that isn't what human creation is about. It is that we have to try; to put it down in pigment, or words, or musical notations, or we die.
- Love can't be pinned down by a definition, and it certainly can't be proved, anymore than anything else important in life can be proved.
- I wrote because I wanted to know what everything was about.
- There's more to life than just the things that can be explained by encyclopedias and facts. Facts alone are not adequate.
- Just write a little bit every day. Even if it's for only half an hour — write, write, write. (and thank you for this gives me a reason or a citation to write-- although the language I use sometimes might involve not so good language or could be use as an example of how people should not use the foul kinda language... lol)
- --sometimes think God is a s--t — and he wouldn't be worth it otherwise. He's much more interesting when he's a s--t. (Can't find the article where the sentence come from... s--t... sadist? :-O lol :-x)
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Madeleine_L'Engle
Lessons learned...
What did I learn through this journey?
Fussy... fussy... still in my head algorithms that are very fussy…
One thing I know is… and I believe is…
I learned something and I had my reactions when reading the quotes…
The writer is still teaching… and alive.
Nothing was mentioned about the question I woke up with in my head at all...
But, fussily, I felt the answer, somehow...
Life-- and live to your fullest-- however you, the LIVER, define it. (And, maybe, again, the faucet is running... lol)
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