Assumptions

So, last night I went for a drink... under the assumption that I am psychotic.

Ordinary psychotic people won't know too well how psychotic they are and they will simply do the same thing they might do... while others' might, up to my point of being, already developed a different kind of life style....

Since I have been keeping a fairly consistent routine in my everyday life, I decided to go to the bar to get a drink or two like what I always do.

Earlier in the day, although there was no sun, I also managed to feel the sun peeping through the clouds for a while.

In other words, I am controlling for the variances I could control for for this study of my own nut case.

Then, somewhere during the day, this thought occurs to me... perhaps, somewhere out there, there are some people who were thinking that... the reason why she had the psychotic experiences she reported in the afternoon concerning the full-blown psychotic episode was because she was inducing in herself psychosomatic symptoms which is interpreted as psychotic symptoms. 8-O

This is a funny thought... I thought to myself... "Check your assumptions--- I am psychotic."

Such a rationale is more like an interpretation people would make for ordinary people who are not quite sure whether they are simply neurotic or also psychotic. Which part of my being psychotic don't you understand.... 8-O lol

At some point, I could not stop wondering... does it mean that psychosis should actually be a multi-level structure and what I am experiencing is meta-psychosis? 8-O lol (or pure grandiosity)

Then, there came to a time when I was sitting at the bar....

As I had reported in the posting yesterday afternoon, my cognition was losing ground... and it felt as if I was simply going into the abyss...

Then, I prayed to God and I asked for help.

Somehow I was able to make it through the day and at some point, around 8:00 o'clock or so, I felt that I was finally awake and I had been sleep walking for a while.

I thought to myself...

An alternative hypothesis... there might really be people who were psychic and who actually were able to lend a hand to me to help me through the day.... and they might have somehow helped me to fortify the walls for the psychotic partition of my head... lol

It does not matter why I was able to go through the apocalyptic day of the reenactment.

That is not the point.

The point is...

There might need to be a redefinition of the concept of psychosis... just don't ask me how....

If my delusion is true and other people really helped me through the episode, there is alternative options we could explore to supplement the conventional treatment.... because if it could happen to me, it could happen to other people in need, too.

In addition, shall the degree of clarity in my head is estimated correctly, despite me belonging to the anomaly population for the anomaly (I believe I am not along), the strange phenomena I have been experiencing, hopefully, will bring some nuance useful to the understanding of human cognition-- be it normal or abnormal.

So, since the fundamental assumption is that I am psychotic and I know I am, I can't stop wondering what I could do to help people to not hearing my internal thoughts....

And, I sat here at the desk, bearing the psychosomatic pain of the day, feeling other people unfortunately share my pains, and wondering what I could do...

What I experienced yesterday had totally drained my energy which results in my inability to help people shield off the pains we "coshare".

Then, I asked for help to both help me and help the others....

At some point, the pain seems to seize but based on the interpretation I got from some other people's speech, I realized... it was my pain that had stopped... however, my thoughts might still be the white noise in the background of people's ear...

This is why, I, then, checked my assumptions again while trying to figure out how I could spare people from hearing me in my delusional world.

I had to break through... so that others could break free, regardless....

I came out of the meditation mode and I tried to think what I could do.

Then, holding on to the assumption that could not be violated, I am psychotic...

I went to ask people, "Could you hear what I think?"

Crazy does crazy does and thank God... I am theoretically grounded... psychotic.

Thanks a lot for reading my psychotic state report.

Doesn't matter anyway to me how crazy I am...

I am working, I can still take care of myself, I could understand class lectures and, to hell, the dosage is up and nothing for me to worry about... 8-O lol

And, I suspect that... the reason why the idea of checking assumptions kept on coming up might have something to do with my unconscious wants to prove I am normal or bla bla bla...?

(this posting would be a great exercises for you guys shall you want to learn better how to differentiate between hallucinations and delusions--- especially grandios delusion)