Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Martial art fiction

So, I got back home from my early appointment. lol

I thought, maybe that was the reason why I went to the appointment early because somehow I just needed to go out and check out the atmosphere... maybe that is the reason that I did not even know.

Then, I said to myself, now I could go on and rest.

So, I laid in bed and tried to rest....

Then, there we go again... the déjà vu that I have been experiencing this past few week or so...

I laid there... getting ready to rest...

Then, there came this voice telling me.... now you have advanced to a level that is far higher than me... No longer could I guide you...

What this guy is speaking of is the kind of things you will see in martial art films.... like scenarios you would see in those monks in Shoaling mountain... when the monks do the 修行 kind of thing (or in the process of doing the cultivation thing), they need to refrain themselves from being affected by 七情六慾 because 動心 will result in 破功 and all the hard work would go adios. Since I have no interest in being a nun, I guess one thing, at least if 修行 is what I was doing, one thing I should not have done was to 動怒 (be irritated or angry). (Such background knowledge has been acquired through my growing up watching martial art films... Don't know whether those senior monks and nuns would agree... Doesn't matter anyway... lol)

What that voice talked to me about was something I thought of on my way to the appointment...

The word 破功came to my mind and I was informed that once 功已破, I will have to start from scratch with everything... including my ability to meditate to deal with pain.

Then, this thought pop into my head... 空

I thought to myself... if all is 空, there will be 無功 and 無功可破.

And, this is why that the voice told me that he could only guide me up to this point (if you want to psychoanalyze it, this is the representation of my anal retentiveness about 驕, 譽,稱).

My first instinct was... then who is gonna come guide me... I was later taught... don't worry... guidance will always be available. (You see, even in my craziness, I still need guidance... lol)

Then, there go into this whole cycles of me rising up to sky, me dead again, me turning into a Buddha with thousand hands and thousand eyes (and I thought to myself... gee... that wouldn't look nice... I am still thinking about getting married... lol), the Buddha part of me gone to the sky, then the Buddha reincarnated to be born into my body, then, I guess the Buddha gone again...

The similar scenarios running on again and again including not even voices, delusions, and, at some point, when it was in that thousand hands and eyes Buddha scenario occurred, I actually felt all these hands... something you might call the bodily kinda hallucinations.

It must have lasted for at least 1 hour because the alarm finally went off at the end of the third Buddha kinda run.

Reenactment again.

Throughout the whole time, I let the whole thing went through... and I was like... Gee... how does anything have to do with me... I need to rest because I have to go to work...

So finally I got out...

On my way to the bus stop, this thought came up to me... 心魔 because 有心就有魔 ...

All these Buddha here Buddha there kinda things were the test of 心魔.

Since I knocked some people's head last night with my posting, scared the 心魔 out of some of you, and since I was going along with the thing, I just, by the way, get some of your 心魔 processed.

True or not true.

Real or not real.

Doesn't matter...

Just so very amazing that the cultural background would come out so strong to form delusions with so very martial-art-fiction loaded kinda contents... 8-O lol

Then, I was waiting for the bus... I got my eyes closed and I felt myself standing by the edge of a mountain top... overlooking the beautiful green mountains with the skyline.... with me looking like a monk in the mountain 8-O lol (OK... I am still relatively cute and I am a girl... lol)

At this point, it was still in the morning and not yet noon.

I thought to myself… at least it was a Mickey mouse kinda case than what I experienced last time before I went into the hospital….

I thought and believed that I was killed in thousand ways—deep fried, carved by knife, poisoned…etc whatever methods you could imagine for the whole night long. Towards the end, the ghosts, spirits, demons, devils, gods, and all other fictional characters all came out to save me using all different methods.

At some point, they told me I became Buddha and, at some point, they say I am only human because it takes too much suffering to be a Buddha.

At some point, I talked to the CIA and FBI guys and they said they would offer me a job.

At some point, I talked to many a monk including Dali lama.

I also communicated with the pope and many many people dead or alive more.

At some point, I thought I was channeling with the president of Columbia University and that of the other college I was teaching at. I told the president of the college I was teaching at that I might have to call in sick because I was tired from the all night event. That president said, “Sure.”

Unfortunately, the wireless connection did not seem to work too well and the message did not get delivered. I did not go to teach that day and never did I teach at that college again… along went a fulltime job offer and green card sponsorship, because in the middle of the semester the professor disappeared, thinking she had informed people while she was in club meds. 8-O

At some point, all died and there came apocalypse.

At some point, order of life restored… life resumed and those who shall not have died resurrected.

The wonderful life back to be wonderful... :-)

And, if I recall correctively, it was only in the morning also… up to this point… that other day (although, unfortunately, much of the contents I have forgotten after all these years).

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