The Almighty Independent Medical Examiner (IME) and Worker's Com

So I was not feeling too hot since Tuesday....

Now I know, in addition to cold weather, period (too much information I know) actually makes my nerve pain so much worse that the long gone tooth ache all of a sudden came back throbbing me to death... although the insurance company would say that it has nothing to do with the injury...

Then, yesterday, after I went to my physical therapy place, I walked right out cuz the insurance company has decided to deny all future treatment. Their decision is based on the report of the Independent Medical Examiner (IME), which stated that I have no more problem on my back and I could go back to work with light duty defined as lifting no more than 25 pounds at a time as of the day of his examination-- November 12th--- the week after I got drop out from work and the Monday when I was struggling to get back to walk 5-6 steps without stopping for pains and spasm.


Despite the temporary sanity later and earlier in the night, I was fairly upset and I think I was and am still entitled to be upset...

I tried to call disability coordinator at the workers' com insurance about it but she was already gone for the day... so I left her a message-- telling her that the bill might not even be able to be covered by the check they sent to me and I am just about to jump into the Hudson river except for I might not be able to reach the water front on icy slopes and in my current condition (and, sorry enough, I did mean it although I won't do it since I have tried for the majority of my life to keep myself alive lol Yet, that is the kind of thought you would identify as suicidal thoughts... one of the thoughts people need to pay attention to shall they be prone to the seasonal kind of depression or depressions of all sorts).


Ya, regardless how 空空 I was about 空空, I was "en-maddened" again and I saw myself so very ready in getting back into the dark side...


This is the reason why I started to type out the posting about the backbone structure that has helped to sustain my pursuit the live a life (and just came to this realization) ---

As Madeleine L’Engle had said, "I wrote because I wanted to know what everything was about." In writing, I am not providing conclusions of any sort... all that it represents is the process of my attempting to figure out my own thinking.... and my thoughts- or thoughts under construction.

In addition, one thing I need to emphasize is that... the physical structure itself without human factor is not gonna work too welll... lol just like computers are only as almighty as the users grant them to be... Broadway and computers themselves could fix nothing... it is actually the human interactions that is the basis of the routine-- back to attachment theory- Remember Bowlby and those poor baby monkeys?)

And, after slept my head overnight, I called my disability coordinator (whom actually had been very responsive up to this time) at the workers' com insurance, and, she informed me of the fact that the physical therapy bill will be paid by the insurance company, but there will be no further treatment for my condition because the IME said so.

No physical therapy.

No pain management and the appointment made before might not be paid for.

No acupuncture.

No nothing more.

I said, "So you guys are just gonna let me rot at home and die?"

Of course, the lady said something like I was not going to die and I just have to live with the pain somehow.

Mad cat meowed again, "Of course, the pain is not gonna kill me. "

BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CONCERNING LIVING WITH THIS PAIN?!

"And, don't you guys send out scouts on the street to check on me? Why don't you send some of them to come see how sorry-ly I walk?"

Whatever she said or I said before, in between and later, is all irrelevant because the ruling is simple... because the IME said so...

The only thing I could do is to wait for Monday to speak directly with my adjuster.

I know it is the disability coordinator's job.

I know that the IME is also doing his job.

I know that the adjuster is also only doing her job.

I know the insurance company is running a business, not a charity.

I also know I am looking for no charity- nothing less and nothing more.

Such is the only thing I did today.

I threw a temper and I intended to not have you tell me what to do with my pains-- just suck it up for, before you tell me to do it, experience it the way I experience it first and show me how you do it and be my example.

I threw a temper and I intended to because you have your jobs and part of your duty is related to the miserable side of my life. Since you are doing your jobs so well, I also have to live up to the expectations of common human reactions, too.

So, now, being even more at large in limbo-- authorization not even the word on the table no more and no one still can tell me confidently what will work to get my neck, back and mobility back as well as rid my pains once and for all.

I gathered myself together... enough of the volcano outbreak... Time to get my sorry self together to see the other side of life.

The sun was shining.

The water dripping from the melting ice on the street.

I

1. walked down Broadway (and stops when needing a rest, pain shoots, spasm strikes while trying hard to control the spasm and not to the over extension thing as suggested my last therapist),
2. chit-chatted with people,
3. got my cup of coffee,
4. greeted more people,
5. went to the post office,
6. went to the library,
7. walked up and down the hill by Lerner Hall,
8. gotten back to Rite Aid to drop the prescription for Naprosyn (a med works by blocking the action of cyclo-oxygenase- an enzyme involved in the production of various chemicals such as prostaglandins, produced by our own immue system in response to injury or certain diseases and cause pain, swelling and inflammation-- and haven't I always say tha I am my own worst enemy? lol),
9. asked the pharmacy to check whether Workers' Com would pay for it and ended up having to pay the copayment and use another insurance for it,
10. ate a bit,
11. took the pill,
12. and now waiting to see any side effects indicated are to appear.... and how well it might work.

Regardless, like what I say and like what my parents say, this is my own body and this is my own body to heal....

So far as I am concerned, my own will is not good enough while I will not cease to seek treatment because the mobility has to be regained and the excessive amount of pain has to go... regardless what the experts- not think- thought ...

I hope at no time will this happen to you in life (when my evil twin is not paying attention lol).

However, shall you be one of the similar cases... good luck to you for such is what I need, at this point.... (and, of course, a good lawyer... )

And, guess this is the reason, in politics, everyone speaks of a better insurance plan for the rich, the poor, and everyone else in between...