Reality check

Everyone could say things like what I said in my earlier postings...

The problem is... although I might be able to make myself believe in the positive kind of thinking... Unfortunately, that moment of courage might gradually become flattened or turns into a bubble...

It is not saying that I do not believe in the alternative way of thinking.... (which I might...)

It is not saying I am still in the phase of denial... (which I might...)

One thing I learn so far is that... like the strikes of nerve pains or even a fall that cause your injuries, the impacts sometimes do not manifest themselves immediate... and it often takes time-- the road to redemption (now I like this word lol)


So what have I done since the time I was born tonight?

I was on the phone with my mama and like all mamas... she was very worried.

I told her about the systemly fucked up thing about the workers' com condition and the arrival of a news I have been... I guess... expecting.

I told her... to hell... that's gotta be a lot of bad karma to be working in those people's position...

But, I will be fine... and, for my birthday, I want her to give both her and my father a mid-size red envelope to get themselves the things they want (although she might have to somehow take it out of some pocket first because the money will not arrive until I get back... what you call that cash advance? lol).

For me, I said, that you have to do... because I have my 36th birthday.. only once.

I know I have my 36th birthday only once.

I wish I could give them much more... although only this much I could give... at this moment

I also know that I am lucky because this round I will not have a free fall... (ya free for those %^&*$#)

I have a safe net that I could fall back to... and my life will not be- spiraling-- free downfall...

But, till the inevitable moment shall I stand... on my two feet (maybe, at times, lean on the cane).... because chow on greens I could still pay my rent....

And, once in a while I shall be at large.... hanging out at the bars and go to shows... within the budget that I could afford...

Like the show that I have just attended... Christmas Wonders-- invited, last minute.

Waiting for my friends to show... a lady came forth asking me why...

I said my friends, with tickets, yet to show...

and.. she said... wait no more...

And, on a right-center-orchestra seat I landed... a price that would account for half of the remaining rent... lol

Intermission I went out for a smoke... found my friends on the way as well

My friend asked where I seat...

My original seat upstairs; my current seat- orchestra seat right center front row

(except now I learn that concerts still could induce sensory overload and, like bus rides, still causes pains.... lol 苦中作樂 it really is.... lol sigh)

Guess that's how life plays out...

good luck bad luck all balance out

Some days I receive other days I shall give... regardless how much and what I could give (and perhaps how it is perceived… lol)

Tonight I saw- front row- a joyful show

Earlier tonight I felt a life-threatening blow

How I will feel tomorrow... that I don't know

I could only say... Pandora's box... there seems to still be hope... :-)