Postscript

As I mentioned, today was some sort of a big blow--- sort of like the inverse of inflation-- money got small but price remain the same? lol

These past few days have been blows and blows of repercussions for the June 19th chair collapsing...

Funny enough... the statement from the insurance company arrived, or maybe it is supposed to arrive, the first day into the 7th month after the accident and hours before I was born.

Calling God bad name is getting old for myself and it doesn't seem to do anything (although the God or Goddess of TNT do respond... lol)

On my way to see the show, on the bus, I saw the lights in the tree and on the street.

Ya, it is only when the night falls and when it gets dark do you get to see the lights.

People surrounding... all ages.. the young, the energetic, the wise, and, me, the somewhere in limbo... lol :-x

Then it occurs to me... a thought that I have had before... maybe..

In words... I don't know... maybe...

The youthness around reminded me of the time before... maybe at their age, maybe earlier on, maybe later on... maybe as close as to right before the accident, at the point of the incident and the whole process on... and onwards...

There are a lot of things I did not see and still a lot of things I do not se

Perhaps, it is just a lesson too intense and occurs too early on... at least for me while there would never be a good time for the lessons that have been imposed on me...

Maybe, if you want to psychoanalyze it... the intensity of the lessons might have been translated into the- pain- and the struggles to learn - to walk...

Then, I thought....

Maybe it is not about my being psychotic, neurotic, partially handicapped, and screwed by the systems while in chronic and easily aggravated pains.... lol :-x

Maybe... it is only about the process... without which will there be no recovery...

It doesn't really matter whether it is me going up and down with my meds...

It doesn't really matter whether I am doing 45 minute arm elliptical straight or having to stop every 2-3 steps at a time..

Embedded in all scenarios are struggles, which could only be resolved by the process itself in time... and the lessons learned are, hopeful, building blocks for the tasks lying ahead or right around the corner.

The scenarios here... could be a psychotic episode, a state of full-blown depression, the total control of excruciating pains, lack of mobility, denial of my extraordinaraty (lol), denial of treatment, denial of compensation, denial of liability and all responsibility, a statement that I shall lift no more than 25 bls at work as my reduced workload (ok-- where is that zen moment to go with the flow that I have set up lol), or even bankruptcy, paralysis, or any other thing more serious, less serious, and everywhere in between... It also could be the ending of a relationship.... and the inability to get a straight A or pass or course... (or you could call it the multiple manifestations of the same principle... lol)

Some days, when nothing happens, I will be complaining about the nothingness of nothing...

Other days, when things gets good, I will continue to complain something for things will never be good enough...

There are other days, when things really get a bit too much fucked up, I will be forced to do something more in addition to the complaining about nothingness without nothingness in mind.

Perhaps, ratology is only about moving from one process to another focus or running them parallel or three at a time.... etc

Perhaps, I will not be able to find any meaning through all my verbal diarrhea, regardless in times of cognitive overflow or cognitive constipation, at all despite all my attempts... because it is not about me, not about my mental or physical conditions, not about what I learn or how I learn, not about anything else to be mentioned at all....

What it is about... is simply life and the simple pattern in which life unfolds itself...

incident<=>process

Maybe this is the reason why... I ask and shall you ask....

What have I learned? I don't know... (to live, perhaps?)

Why shall I learn and why so soon shall it be a life long learning? I still don't know... (to live? redundant?)

8-O

And, by the way, shall any think the whole thing is getting too old for you... get in line for I will be in the front of the line... lol

In addition, regardless, I still think a lot of IT is just about a whole lot of BS... (Scratch my head... I still think so... 8-O Sour grapes kinda thing? 8-O ok... time for my meds... lol)

Thus, the day I was born shall be the day benchmarking the prelude of the authorization chapter in my ratological life.

(OK... I think I am going too far with these esoterically kinda thing and time for my beauty sleep. lol)