The voices told me...

OK... this is supposed to be one of those nights when I am adding nothing to my blogs....

Yes... my voices told me to, just like when what's his face said, "the neighbor's dog made me do it."

What happened was that...

Last night, I got a phone call from this religious girlfriend of mine, who asked me whether I have been reading the Buddhist bible kinda thing...

Well... since I actually made her give me the book, after hanging up on the phone, I picked that book up and read a few paragraphs...

It hasn't failed yet that....

Whenever I start reading the religious kinda thing, I would have this perception that some kind of energy is coming from my head down and does some soothing kinda thing... How far the soothing kinda thing go? Depending on my physical condition...

According to the DSM xyz, this could be classified as the somatic kinda hallucinations I guess and given the degree of belief I hold about this kinda experiences... well, this kinda of hallucination might have contributed somewhat to some borderline kinda delusions about me could communicate with... you know... those things... :-O lol

I don't really know what other people hear when the hallucinations start talking to them...

For me, there are two major kinds... as I might have told you before...

One kind comes running around like lost souls in limbo and come in more--- how would you describe it... more illusive or fainted kinda manner (don't mean to discount your guys existence, though.... lol)

Another kind is far more structural.... and, to a certain degree, more instructional... A lot of time, when they come out, they come out to preach me, to guide me (shall that be coined as guidance), and to knock me on the head (although not physically) to tell me what the hell I am doing wrong.

So, after that reading thing, a page or two after, the voice that came with the somatic hallucinations told me that... Yo... that's enough reading for the day.

From then on till the time I went to bed and till the time when I finally fell asleep, I guess,... the following is the key point I got from the preacher.... lol

To prove or not to prove...

To push the envelope or not to push the envelope...

To defy or not to defy...

To obey or not to obey...

To contribute or not to contribute...

To seek meaning or not to seek meaning in all-thingness or nothingness...

Even that thing call to be or not to be..

All these are good questions while the wrong questions to ask for me.. (another one of those barking at the wrong tree manifestion lol)

For, in my case (don't know about in anyone other one else's case thus can't over-generalize it), all these are but the manifestation of me holding on too much to "myself."

It's only when, eventually, I can let go of that annal retentiveness to prove the existence of myself could I be, and, simply, be.. (here we are going back to that Buddhist kinda thing about "X", "no-X", no "no-X".... and you could replace all things you could think of under the sun with X)

It is one of those other things that is cognitively easy to comprehend but help me not in the thing called... "How then do I (fill in the black)" lol

Then, there went on the rhetorical (sort of sound like ratorical, right? lol) kinda things to help me to see what the preaching is about using my background knowledge about Buddhism, Taoism and all other -isms.

Then, when I was lying in bed and when the preachers lesson kept on coming from... where I would call heart...

I heard me saying to myself...

How on earth do I get this kinda auditory hallucinations?

Is it normal for other psychotics to hear things like that?

Then, the voice answered (because, believe me or not, the voices could actually hear what I am thinking without me actually verbalizing things in my head... lol)...

me and them, me and you, me and us... it's the me that you can not let go and that is the biggest trouble, struggle, obstacles and any other words you could find to rhyme with these three words... lol

Yet, I did, at time, tell to the voices that I like to eat meat and drink alcoholic beverages moderately, and, I don't want to be a nun, a saint, or anyone else along this line of trend... My voices do tell me that... "You are born to be human and to be like human."-- with the insinuation that it is ok for me to continue to live up to the expectations that I am born with the original sins I guess.... lol (and what the hell do you mean by to be like human... :-O lol )

Now I blogged... now I can go to sleep.... and