A phase of deconstruction

After I realized that I had to find alternative means to deal with the pains in addition to the prescriptions, I tried to start cooking up my own version of the biofeedback thing... instead of using my body to tell me about pains etc... I try to stop my cognitive processing as much as possible to stop the perceptions of pains.... with the assumption that the perceptions and interpreation of all things including pains.... are at least partially cognitive...

It doesn't always work wonder but it sometimes works.

Whether it is really why I am trying to do that works or not is another topic to be discussed... except not here...

As a consequence, what I do everyday, other than the time when I am writing something down.... I walk around wishing to achieve a state of a vacuous head.... or airless head.... for it helps me to cope with the sense of pains-- at least to a certain degree...

Then, after last night's posting....

I walked around today, wonder, while at time same time trying to keep that head vacuous lol, how I could eventually figure out to live a life I am taught or told to live as me (by my hallucinations and delusions) without being stuck at me... (which in some sense is nothing but a bunch of run on sentences...)

To see through my eyes yet not from my perceptions, maybe?

To hear via my ears yet not from my perceptions, maybe?

How to, though, I ask, since such is a task I have been trying to accomplish since the onset of my psychotic conditions... lol

Experts, where art thou, for thou shall have the expertise to beam me off from a stuck kinda state? lol

Then, I "knew"... and I learned from the courses I have taken in school that...

Sometimes, the first step towards construction is the total-deconstruction...

For, 相由心生 (according to my interpretation at the current state, all is based on our preconceived notion, assumptions and all the -tions (and depending on the theory of your preferable approach.)

Be such thoughts delusional (given it was the insight kinda thing that jumped out of nowhere and was claimed to be my belief) or nothing essential, from now on, I shall work harder on deconstructing each every word, which is coming out of my mouth or my finger tip--- to the extend that... all things are deconstruct to be the lowest common denominator and more---

Then, I shall be able to see... whether that is an alternative to approach the-- me, no-me, and no no-me--- thing. :-O

BTW, One thing really scary about the religious or spiritual line of thinking is that, sometimes, it actually is a manifestation of the strengthening of one's delusional system or the racing thoughts -- which might be an indication of the manic state of thinking...

In addition, excessive discussion of the me thing and the spiritual etc kinda thing could be either interpreted as the excessive amount of narcissism or the intensified degree of the propensity for obsessive thinking...

It definitely might also have something to do with my having nothing to do in my life... a manifestation of boredom...

Or, all of the above or any plausible combinations of the above and beyond (otherwise not specified).

Unfortunately, all that I could do is to speak of the phenomena--- and to tell through my words what is to come, what has come and what had come to become.

At the same time, I do realize that... it is so much easier to deconstruct all things as a third party... at least for me... while, interestingly, I can't help wanting to replace what has so scarily put as deconstruction with another saner sounding term... "cognitive flexibility"..... (regardless what the experts think... lol)

At the same time, I do realize what I perceive might not always be what it seems.