Thursday, December 20, 2007


In the day I move
In transit I move
In pain and spasm I shall stop...
yet, in between I move

In the day I think not
With eyes I see all
With ears I hear all
With touch I feel all
With sense I immerse in all

Yet, in pain, I process not

Then it came to me
Once in the summer heat
In bed, at ER, psychiatric ward
All thoughts broadcasted to all

All scared
Concentrate could I not
All scared
Why can I focus not
(and believe me... for first timer or veterans... hallucinations remain to be things really scary... except nowadays when conditions not so bad I would simply tell them... I am not dumb and stop telling me what I just wrote and what I just thought... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't work... lol sigh)

Clinging to the doctor...
I said
Help me
I need my cognition

Cognition all I have
Cognition all I got

I remember so clear...
Help me
I need my cognition

Another day in life
Where paused, cognitive process, day time

Via the subway I got back
A trip where I saw... the moon standing by the golden statue... City Hall

Yet, in pain
All cognitive processing off
No beauty
No unbearable
No sorrow
No happiness
No nothing at all

But words.. speech... vibration.. bumpiness... and pain and pain more...

And I laugh
Cognition, How I thee not do without
Cognition, How I have to, thee, do without

Minor ironies in life.
The things you once could not do without.
(And could this be the lesson to be learned... what I once clinged to is what I now have to learn to do without?)

(To make it more explicit before I go to bed... all that I wanted to retain is now all that I have to try to do without... Nite nite and thank you-- shall you visit another page of my verbal diarrhea-- and anyone really listen what my hallucinations and delusions have to say? 8-O lol)

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