Sleeting day

They spoke of rainy days but it sleets today.

The cold is no good for my body-- don't know how it treats you...

The ice on the road makes it even harder to inch along.

I woke up after 13+ hours of sleep... must have been too tired by the last two days' chores.

Tuesday... I went to see the orthopedics doctor and had my physical therapy. That accounted for all the things I did on a pain-y day.

Wednesday, yesterday, I did more.

I went to the post office, library, bought myself vegi and milk, and struggled to finish doing my laundry.

Must be too much work for my aging body.

It was like what a late friend of mine said about getting old...

It takes me the whole day to do what I used to do in a day.

Then, I woke up today and got ready to get to my therapy...

I made sure I took my zoloft and Vitamin Bs since I know the worsening of depressive symptoms is around the corner--- pending gently.

Walking on the icy road, amazed myself by how I almost fell on the ramp going from the road to the sidewalk.

Got my cup of coffee, got on to the bus, got myself into the physical therapy place, and got hit by the news that the worker's com insurance company denied to pay for my physical therapy.

I comforted the people working there about the fact that the bill will not default.

I knew the day was to come.

I just do not really like that day to be today or any other day.

I moved myself back out, got back to the street, got back on to the bus, got myself another cup of coffee, and sat down on the bench looking at the people walking by, the glittering trees, and the street light coming through the branches and the rain.

The people walking.

The cars passing.

The night falling.

I sat there in serenity on the street.

So it is life, I guess, based on the limited lessons I learned so far.

All people have problems.

Some died at "the" moment while others born.

What I have experienced is but part of life's protocol.

I might be along on that bench, on the street or in my room.

Yet, I am hardly along.

Chewing down the green I boiled for myself... I thought of what my voices had told me 3 days ago...

Such is the unfolding of the whole process... shared by many many more who think they are on a lonely planet... not knowing they are actually bounded together by the common protocol.

The carelessness about the consequences resulting from the fall...

The wishful thinking that all is to, in split second, get back to normal...

The frustration about not being able to move on with one's life...

The anger about nothing works...

The efforts put forth to find a way to live a life...

The ensuing minor inconveniences in life... relationships, mobility, pains, psychological being, medical bills, financial status... and the forceful downward spiral created by them all.

On a sleeting day, I chewed down another piece of the green, I authorize myself to be affected by the psychological impact of the over thousand dollar medical bill.

As my voice had me told--- you can not simply throw it over to behind the wall... you could still face it, let it hit you, do the things you could do about it...

All else failed...

you still have all your people and resources...

the preparation you made for rainy days on a sleeting day....

the sense of belonging for someone else out there facing the same minor inconveniences...

you still have your roof

you still have your greens

you still have your courage to cry over spilt milk

you still have the survival instinct to call God a sadistic bastard

You are still living... whatever living means... Above all.

you still could let yourself down-- down and low--

On a sleeting day, in a winter's night, you are not along.