Sunday, January 27, 2008

The heart

Today I sat under the sun for must be many an hour... to the extent that I was starting to feel like Rudolf the red nose reindeer.

It was so very comfortable and I felt so very relax like Poncho the cat relaxing on the bench under the sun.

And I sat and I sat, with my eyes closed me facing the sun...

It was very wonderful, too, because I guess if I am really starting to learn to let go of the past, when some of the past start to go bye bye, there might be a hole in my heart and it would be nice to use the loving warmth generated by the sun to fill it up.

That thought itself make me feel happy and I just sat there all lazily happy... 8-O lol

I still don't really know what it means to really be able to let go or whether what I am learning to do is to let go.

However, for me, it is something really funny... (ok, remember I am nuts lol)

It was like some sort of energy that is trying to move away from that place you would call heart.

However, it is not really like it just goes away-- oops--- all gone.

It tries to leave and it comes back.

I said to it... don't worry to much and thanks for keeping me company for all these times. We have been good or bad companies to each other and I think this is time for us to say bye bye.

It is sad to say good bye to old friends but sometimes you just need to let them go.

So, some of them came out and went into the air...

And, I wonder whether they have converted into energies to feed the singing birds or to shield them from the winter's cold.

And, maybe it was the meds or maybe I was too comfortable in my lala land, then, I started to yarn uncontrollably till the time for an energy healing session.

A friend of mine called me up this morning because she and her friend needs a body. 8-O lol

What an interesting coincidence since healing was sort of the word in my mind when I woke up this morning.

They got it right... some places in me are still heavy, such as my heart, but it is ok... I am working on it even though I don't really know what to do to be doing working on it... 8-O lol

Perhaps, what I could do is to continue with what I have started to show you my love (lordy... purely cheesy... enough cheese to make me puke... and, haven't I told you before, nothing altruistic about no nothing I do... Oh, God, I have sinned... lol).

Then, I will be able to help my heart finding something to do rather than to go crazy pondering about the meanings of its existential vacuum. 8-O lol

And, I say to my heart, thank you, thank you very much.

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