Monday, January 21, 2008

Pain again

I don't know why but I don't like pain... I guess it just doesn't feel too good to be in pain... lol

When I was much younger and when I thought I was dying of heart break, I often had the feeling that my chest would feel really tight, heavy and vacuous at the same time... and really sore... or really hurt--- At times, it feels as if a chunk of my heart has been taken out (and I assume this is related to the vacuous kinda feeling..) I guess this would be the location that you call heart. It hurt so bad that you would hope you could induce real physical pain to distract yourself from the ache.... sort of like what you see on TV when people were hitting their own chest.

Apparently, the heart ache kinda experience is very similar to the bodily experiences people have when they are simply depressed... meaning not due to the disappearance of a love one. Well, I guess one is entitled to be depressed if someone you would die for is gone. 8-O

Then, when I had my second psychotic episode, I felt so very often having sharp knife stabbed me everywhere (remember the dopamine theory?)

Then, I had my injuries and the pains I can not look back to...

Recently, at times, when I overwork the muscles around my stomach area, I would get stomach aches.

Despite the fact that... all perceptions of pains are controlled by your pain central in the brain... and the experts say that where the pains are might not be where the injuries are.

I could not stop wondering whether it is possible that...

The heart aches I get as a result of the broken heart might have something to do with the nerves in lower cervical and upper thoracic area...

The stomach pains I get might have something to do with the nerves around T11-12...

With the stabbing pains, now I know that it is either my nerves or my brain going nuts... nobody me to stab (unless I see the physical sign of somebody me stabbing...) And this is the same reason why I asked my shrink, "Are these pains just my hallucinations since I see no proof of why such perception exist?" (you know life isn't so black and white when you can't even be sure whether you really are in pain despite you are in pain sigh)

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