Monday, January 21, 2008


Tomorrow being the first day of my another attempt to return to work-- whatever job is still left; today I realize that, shall that sadistic baster really exist and really cares, the lesson to be learned about since last June is simply one word: "recovery."

It took me about 3 or 4 months to finally be able to lift my feet.

It took me 7 months to walk over 40 steps to come to a halt.

It took me all these time to finally be able to say to myself... it is just freezing cold; yet, with each every step, I will improve.

7 months and 2 days, from the beginning of a later summer, to the passing of a later Autumn, till the fall of temperature to below freezing point...

Never a day did I stop trying (maybe need to deduct the first week)... in pain or lesser pain, to learn to walk... with or without the authorization to physical therapy and pain management.

Never a day did I stop feeling like letting go while never a day did I give up on seeing the big bright world on the outside.

I might still be stuck with 2 speeds, slow and stop. Yet, I have come so far and I will not stop since there is no point of seeing anything going into waste.

I might not want to look back at the painful path but, I guess, it is ok... since, along the way, I have been working on it...

The process of recovery takes work and at the pace you are granted with...

Like what I have been told, I can't guarantee you a full recovery within this year but, one day, you will recover till you feel you are recovered.

The osteophites won't go away. The 50 something year old woman's cervical spine won't get back to that of a 35 year old. The stenosis might go away and I don't know how much of the hernia will shrink.

I can only hope each everyday that when the blossom comes again... let me walk a block-- that's all.

Guess, such is the lesson for me to learn, same process for all... face it, try your best, take the loss, and figure some other way out to help yourself.

And, at times, if you want to cry, just let the tears fall... just let it fall and let it go.

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