Conversion disorder revisited

Sometime in my trip somewhere.... I thought in my mind again, conversion disorder...

Somehow it did hurt much worse than my simply being psychotic at some point... 8-O lol

I thought...

Was it because I am confusing it with malingering and Factitious Disorder?

With malingering... simply about faking...

With Factitious disorder, a sadomasochistic unconscious act to induce pain in myself wishing for some sort of gains such as your sympathy, attention, leniency and etc?

Or, simply conversion disorder, purely suffering with no gain in mind?

With all of these in mind, I thought, perhaps, I shall be jumping ropes a thousand miles ago...

How is it so very difficult to just say... yo... ok, me malingering, me factitious, or me a conversion lost soul?

Why is it so?

And, I could not stop wondering...

Is this simply the reenactment of the difficulties I face when I can't, to myself, say... psychotic, so am I?

So, shall I finally be able to myself say... ok, me malingering, me factitious, or me conversional....

Would such an admission perform miracle-- take all pain away and defeat the bitter cold?

Or, perhaps, such shall be the task of mine from today on... me myself malingering, factitious, or conversion disorder to label....

I will try... I will try hard such to accept to the degree like what psychotic is to me today, so natural...

And, will it work?



(can't help it... lol... gotta say good song still)



Unfortunately, I could no longer locate another clip I found that showed us the voice of Rob Pilatus....