So wonderful

I am supposed to still be really upset about the mistake I made and complaining about everything conceivable I can find to complain...

But, the last point in my previous thought made me...
can't help but feel wonderful...
to the degree of happiness
joy in tear
the stopping of typing to wipe the tears as I weep

It is bitterly wonderful... (and, yes, I do intend to use the word bitter-- be it like that song or not and I do really like that song... lol)



in myself to hear...
my own real belief
unconsciously spilt out
in place things I learned will fall

There are a lot of times when we say things that we don't really comprehend and when we think we have beliefs but we do not believe in them.... and perhaps, all things are supposed to be on a sliding scale... and perhaps, one day we could reach the far side of gradient with 100% opacity.

Through my journey so far... some pay off and some will never be paid off... some accounts will be simply, default, and I shall journey on...

Shall there be one pursuit of journey in life... all these years and more I have tried... weaving up an meaningful web of integration...

Perhaps, t'is the manifestation of a defectory fool trying too hard on a mission so very wrong for on the road to actualize that goal... trying to fit things into niches where they do not belong-- only to defy that split head nature of schizo.

In the delirious verbal diarrhea my psychotic goddness of language I heard...

"They might not be integrated but they seem to have their own niche."

Peace when all fall into place and in peace all will fall into place.

Illusion I have not, such sense to sustain for Piaget is right... assimilation and accommodation the story of life.

Yet, however temporary it is, I have been granted, a sense of relief... an alternative solution to aim... seeing life as multidimensional planes-- where all land.

Such to celebrate
The beauty of the embedded orderness in life

So shall I turn on my TV... (still worrying about) tonight, without TNT and Grace's road to redemption (and shall the channel had not leaked, such would not have been my worry... lol)