Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Recently, I seem to have overdosed myself on the love songs... simply due to the fact that the majority of songs cover some perspectives of love.

Some of the songs bring back some memories I have tried so hard to forget (bp- before psychosis and ad- after depression lol) while along came with these reminiscences are the heart ache kinda feeling (and this is how I came up with the description in the previous posting).

I know, as a result, that the wound had always been there for all these years.... They had not gone out over the rooftop and flown away. They just got covered up somehow.

All these songs about getting over you, letting go and the reminiscing the good old time led me to wonder...

Could one really get over the experience of feeling heart so very shattered and the pains that cut like a knife?

Is time sufficient enough as the cure for all heartbreaks and, without any intervention, 100 years from now, shall I still be kicking and look back... would it just be like any unhappy ending I came across in someone else's stories?

If time itself is the cure, is it because the heart becomes so cold and hard like diamond (since diamond is harder than stone), or is it because the scars used to patch up the heart will automatically fall of like the nails of cats or the skins of snakes?

Then, they say love itself will heal...

When do you know the process of rebounding has come to an end and you are not unethically using someone else as a stepping stone like what we have done so many a time?

So last night, when I was going to sleep, in addition to my broken back, I revisited that broken heart of mine and I found it still wounded and it still hurts--- just I have taught myself to ignore and forget its existence.

I felt sorry for it and I don't know what to do with it.

So, today, after the sun is gone from the middle of the street on Broadway, I chased the sun down to the riverside drive at my ordinary 2 speeds.

I sat there facing the sun-- not to stare at it to get me blind but to have the sun help me melt the iceberg inside gentlely and slowly- so that I could see better, life...

It was soothing... the warmth...

Except for when the time came for me to get up....

Yo, on that metal thing sitting for all that time... in cold like such, my heart ached not but my butt hurt... lol

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