What I want to own

It is possibly the sour grape kinda psychology for me to be saying things like... there is nothing I want to own... and to call it my own....

(other than maybe a flat and a purple Cadillac without loan and a huge bank account that would make finance no issue at all till t'is the end of my kicking time... lol)


I guess I had wanted to be rich and famous at one point....

I guess I had wanted to own a gazillion things at some point...

I guess, still, in one of the dating website that I had my profile set up, which I have not checked for weeks now due to too much trouble, money is still a "turn on" (since I would like to refrain myself from making it a habit to having to worry about not having a roof to rest under and lacking greens to chow) lol

However, one thing I do not understand is that....

Why can't I have that feeling of wanting to own something anymore?

What is wrong with me--- other than the biofeedback thing might turn people into monks and nuns, amotivation is a type of depressive symptoms and restlessness/carefree could be an indicator for mania (some plausible explanations)?

Well... after I watched a nun's story, both God and I are very happy about me knowing myself never be a nun...

Well... unless I am luckily a happy depressive-- with amotivation and constant pondering about death, I am not quite sure either how far the depressive hypothesis could go...

Maybe I am just a restless maniac since sometimes, in mania, people don't care too much... Yet, this is some strange kinda mania when, at times, other than my verbal diarrhea through my blog and my happy encounter with people, there is nothing in my head the whole day long...

Or, maybe, that dorsal horn reorganization just got me wired even more wrong... lol

What is wrong with me? (OK... I know I would never run short of it... lol)

A question I ask many a time and more...

And, then, I decide an alternative question to ask...

Ask not what you want to own; ask what the minimum would you want.

I think I want a good paying job because it is easier to do more things with more of that green.

I will be able to, maybe, own a place in NYC.











I will be able to, maybe, get myself a green card (and yes, they say green card are actually white lol) for all countries and all countries could be called my home other than Taiwan, Vancouver, and now the city of New York.







I will be able to, maybe, take my parents for trips to all different countries.






I will be able to, maybe, like what I used to do, invite as many people as I want to to my weekly house parties.... 主人何為言少錢，徑須沽取對君酌, 五花馬，千金裘, 呼兒將出換美酒，與爾同消萬古愁。。









I will be able to, maybe, help more people in need by helping them learn new skills...

Thereafter, maybe, many many things I could do if I could start from having a good paying job... make some money...

There are things, material or not, that I want to have... I guess...

Or maybe, this is what the fortune tellers have seen along the way as I was growing up...

Many a fortune teller have had me told that... being rich is not my department and neither will I have fame.

An aunt of mine, who passed a few years ago, who could tell fortune through 紫微斗數 told my mother to be worry not about me because... I will always have a roof and food.

Maybe, my wrongly wired head now really want nothing to own...

Maybe, I really buy into the belief that no one could truly own anything... like how the song goes... 你不屬於我 我也不擁有你，姑娘世上沒有人有佔有的權利

Maybe, the desire is suppressed and it is me failing to reach the grapes calling them grapes sour....




Maybe... it is just the combinations of them hypotheses all for a lost soul like moi in limbo...

(all house mouse images are courtesy of House Mouse Design.)